Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

You are like me, then.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

How do teachers justify punishing a student for fighting back against their bullies?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Was Michael Jackson really an innocent person?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

High-Average, Low-Slugging Hitters Are Back, and Baseball Is Better for It - Sports Illustrated

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

James Bond game 007 First Light gets first trailer - The Verge

I was tired of fighting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Have you been arrested or investigated?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Be who you already are.

Why does Africa have all mineral resources but she is suffering economically?

And the sadness?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Watch toddler’s joyful scream when beloved uncle surprises him during hide-and-seek - USA Today

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

The sadness was still there.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

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It’s here now, writing to you.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

I had run out of hope.

How is it, in the USA, a country with 334 million people, the choice of President comes down to two aged men, one of whom is a liar as well as a criminal, one who appears to be on his way to dementia. Surely a democratic country can put up better?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s still here.